Well...today was not so good. More leaky diapers, plus diarrhea. So lots of time spent with the blow dryer on Russell's bum. So hard to prevent diaper rash without the ability to just put him in the bath. So he's not a very happy guy right now.
I also have to clarify about the crawling. He only crawled about 4 "steps" or so, and hasn't really tried since. What he keeps trying to do, repeatedly is to get up on all fours (feet and hands), like he's doing "plank", and then he tries to use momentum and push himself up to standing from that position. He's getting pretty frustrated that he can't even get his hands off the floor when he does that. I wish I could tell him that NO ONE I know can do that. I'm glad he's experimenting though. That's the only way he's going to figure out how to be mobile.
I wish I knew how to not be angry about this cast. Yes, I'll admit it, I"m angry. Probably sounds wierd, because we chose this. We chose to do this treatment, and I still know it's the right thing for Russell. But I guess I"m just angry because it's so hard. I can't really even spell out why it's so hard. When I list the things that it changes about our lives, it doesn't seem like a long list. So am I just feeling sorry for myself? Well, that may not have been the right question...because I am definitely feeling sorry for myself. I just wish I knew what to do with this anger. And I'm embarrassed that you all know how sad I am. There are so many people out there with a lot harder things going on in their lives than this, and a lot of them are dealing with it in such a better way. And please don't call me and tell me you read this. It will honestly just embarrass me more. But I'm hoping that by writing it, I get a little closer to feeling better. And closer to knowing how to stop being angry and sad.
4 comments:
I just want to say that I can get really grumpy about my life just because I'm pregnant. There's no reason to compare each other's trials- if it's hard for you, it's HARD! Heavenly Father knows that and He will help. And he will consecrate all your efforts and sacrifices for your good. I love you.
As I read what you posted today, I wished that I knew the perfect words to say. But I don't. There's nothing I can say that will take away the burden of dealing with a baby who has a temporarily permanent (what an oxymoron) cast. The fact that you and Scott opted to do what is best for your son, in spite of the challenges it would present to each of you and to all of you, makes me want to cry with gratitude. I know that there is no way you could have imagined how difficult it would be nor all the problems that you would encounter along the way, but you've had enough experiences to know that you were probably going to face more adversity than you could imagine. I hope that if I were in your shoes I would have the courage and the determination to make such a difficult choice. I think you have every right and every reason to feel what you are feeling today. And I think it is amazing that you will continue to do what you know is right, in spite of those feelings. I hope you know how much I love you and Scott and how grateful I am that you are the parents of 4 of our sweet grandchildren.
I love you.
You blow dry your baby's bum, too? Great, I have a friend in all this!
Isn't it so frustrating that life goes on (good and bad) even though you're baby is in a cast? AHHH! It is not weird to be angry. I was angry. Mainly at all the people who looked on and said, "Poor baby." I was thinking, "Clearly you don't have ANY idea what I go through in the course of a day or you would have said, 'Poor Mommy!'" Countless times I've wanted to say that. It is so hard. Plain and simple, yet annoying! There is light at the end of the tunnel. I remember the beginning and filling my brain with all these ideas from other mom's. Ultimately I used some of them, but also found my own way. You're finding what works for you and Russell, hang in there!
Maybe you want to try out our cast cooler when we're done with it? I know Russell hates the vacuum, but you can do it for tiny increments of time to begin. And with Scott's help of course. Anything to help that STINKY cast! You're welcome to it if you'd like.
Post a Comment